A Question that is Never Far Away

I want to fall wildly in love. So wildly that the inner child in me can't help but escape through my eyes. When whenever I feel like laughing I will, and when the tears stream down my face there are arms always willing to hold and soothe me. I want to be able to drench you in water and wipe flour all over your shirt when we're in the kitchen. I want to be able to giggle and run and hide behind corners while you grin and capture me. I want to be able to unburden my heart of all its anxieties and cares to that person who I know will never leave depending upon what I say. I don't want to have to guard my heart, but rather spill both the ugliness and the treasures upon that person who will love me and hold me no matter what I've done. I want that man who will hold my hand till the day that I die--be that old couple that still holds hands in the grocery store and laughs at the comics in the newspaper. I've said many times that I don't really have a desire to be married, but it's not true..so I won't say it anymore. I crave it like I crave oxygen. It's not just the arms that I want, but the security in knowing that someone loves me so deeply that they want to pledge their life to me--no matter if I am rich, or I am poor; no matter if I am sick, or I am strong; no matter if I am lovable or acting like a demon out of hell. And then my little hurting heart whispers, well, there's no one like that, kid, especially for you. Not just anyone can fill that void in my heart, it has to be the person made especially for me, the person that was made to be mine and I made to be his. I don't want to give myself away to someone who will be a fragment of my past someday, but rather someone who will always cherish me and whatever I have to give. But how do you wait in the meantime. Maybe that's why people are always searching for best friends, and they feel abandoned when they lose someone who was close to them--we have a longing to be close to others, we have a longing to trust. That's really what it is, isn't it? We all want to be able to trust someone with the treasure that we are...even if we say we aren't any treasure at all. And when there is no one...loneliness and hollowness seep into our bones and begin to eat us like acid. Maybe that's why God said it's not good that man should be alone... Tell me, is there anyone out there who will love without asking anything in return? Is there anyone out there that understands the importance of protecting the one they love, not only from others, but from their own self as well? One of my biggest struggles is believing that people mean what they say, that people wish good and not evil. So many nightmares have emerged that show people only wanting what they can get instead of wanting to give all they have...and every time I see a new nightmare or hear a new story I think is there anyone out there who doesn't always grasp for themselves? I know there must be...right?