Redeemed

It was a snowy cold day
 But the trumpets they played,
Little did they know that he was all she had left...
Unknown, alone, forgotten, and used,
With naught a soul in the world;
Her eyes filled with tears as she sought for a light...a light to illuminate her very dark path.
But then he had come into her life...
He loved her, accepted her, carried her through the night
Into a loving light.
She thought about Heaven so much that she dreamed that she tasted the river of life...
You see, this girl's name was Leánna,
She had shed her tears all alone...
Used by her father and shunned by her mother,
Thrown about, kicked out, left on the street...
She had begged for her food and eaten with the wild dogs,
Until she found had a place, but a pit of the devil was it...
 There she was used and torn and abused for a dinner and a pillow for her head;
Too battered to eat, too sick to seek sleep, disease-ridden, flea-bitten, foul as the last days,
But then came the face who didn't care what you'd done, who bore it all on Himself, no matter the pain
He loved, He died, He shed His own blood, to give her a new life, no matter what she'd done;
This is a Savior, this is a King, this is the Lord of Lords, Ruler of everything.
He saved her that day, and took her too,
And now she's drinking the River of Life,
   Just as you can, my dear one, too.

A Story

"Oh, bonny Bess, with the fairest blue eyes,
  Kiss me once, kiss me twice, I daresay-
'Tis but a bright sunny day, what pray,
  'Tis it milk day?"

"I shall love thee", she cried,
  "'Till the day that I die-
Oh, bonny sweet prince of the
  Place a' here hence-
But her, I fear I must go"-
And she placed a sweet kiss on his cheek

"Before you go," said he, "you must
  Know where I will be- over yonder hill and
Across the large river, a manor ensconced  in
  Pine and in silver.
Come before the week is over, I'll make thee my
  Wife, my friend, and my lover...
Oh bonny sweet Bess, my heart
  Yearns for a rest...
A rest by the fireside,
Your sweet laughter by my side-
  Can it be so-
Don't delay! I'll see thee by the
  Seventh day?-"

Oh, my dear prince, you flatter me so-
  Your wife and much more-
I would gladly bestow all you want and much more...
  I shall come to thee dear, never fear.
And with thus she went away
  And turned back just to say,
"I'll love thee dear, forever."

1st day came- "Oh my dear," cried
  He, "why aren't you here?"
2nd day came- 3rd day- 4th day-
  5th day- 6th day came, still no word
From the lowly, love-sick maid.
  7th day came, a party it is!
Let us celebrate with cake and good cheer!
  But not because his love was there...

Heavy the snow and colder the wind-
The maiden trudged on with a shrug
  And a grin-
"Oh, I must make it, a week he has said,
  I saw in his eyes a love uncondemned..."
At last she made it to the manor-house,
  But bright and loud and festive was it-
Celebrating the love of the prince's short life-
A lady so rich and lovely was she-
  Covered in jewels and sparkling in entirety,
A ring on her finger and a grin on her face-
  She caught her prize and what a doll was he!

Stunned into shock the maiden sat staring-
  The bejeweled new princess,
Her prince as her side-

In the great study, when all was finally through,
  The prince and the princess sat warming at the fireside,
Laughing, laughing...together...
  The maiden's heart turned to stone in her chest as she looked
Upon them nestled in- cozy and warm- laughing by the fireside...
Oh, she tried, she tried to forget the burning pain that sparked inside,
  But again and again her heart spied them sitting together
By the fireside, always forever...
   Always together...

Bitter was she, as a cold winter's night, a wolf's howl
  As the wind brought a shiver to her hand, to her lip,
To her chin...
And once again she saw them, laughing by the fireside,
  Always forever,
  Always together...

She looked once more through the window, just to
  See if her eyes were right...but she was.
Cape pulled around her head,
  A sense of urgency filled her with aching dread...
There they were, nestled in each other's arms, together-
  "NO!" she whispered, and so she fled...

Fled into the night did she, her demons following her all the way.
  She crashed through the brush and shoved through the thicket
Until she pressed against the wall...but it still rang in her ears,
  Their laughter, their cheers-
Together...together forever.

She sank to her knees and bewept her sad state...
  Alone and afraid,
Tired and unchanged...
She thought her love tried and true,
  Pure and holy,
Unequaled, unbreakable...
  She shuddered to think of the thoughts
She was thinking-
  Preposterous, presumptuous,-
  Contemptuous...
But then came her laughter, floating still over the harsh wind-
  She had to break it, had to stop it...had to stop
Her laughter...then they wouldn't be together...
   Together forever.

With not a sound she rose from the ground-
  The wind howling and hissing about her-
With determined steps she walked toward the manor
  Following her voice on the wind.
Mesmerized, she walked, her boot
  Crunching upon the snow
Until the wind turned into a chill in her bones
  And rustled the note upon her hand.

Then the voice upon the wind
  Became a scream-
   Then a groan...
  Then a breath.
All alone...upon the steps,
  Frozen lay she, with naught a word upon her lips,
But a note in her hand-

They opened the door and exclaimed
  To the prince, "Hay, my lord, but a dead
Girl upon your steps-"
He  reached down and unclasped
  The note from her frozen grasp-
Looked at her face- "Oh no! It can't be!-
  ...But nay, see here, she said she never did
  Love me."

Lost Dreams

My dream is like
A lake of fog and mist,
It starts and ends with no beginning,
  Or end.
And there I am, lost in it's midst...
Walking, walking, wandering, and looking,
  Vainly looking for a way out.
I trip and fall, for I can't see my feet,
And my crying voice is smothered by the
  Mist's hand upon my lips-
His strong arms held me back when I almost broke
  Out of his grip-
This hated fog...this prison of nothingness...

But in between the waves of mist I see
  Glimpses of fantasy, of fiction, and reality...
As real as the letters on this page-
Like a silent, solemn face staring back at me-
The laughter of distant friends-
  The hate and ugly sin of the world that
We happen to be living in-
All in the glimpse of another dream...

Horror and love and shame mix with passion
  And kindness and peace.
Flowing together, they're indistinguishable-
But it never fails- it never does...
   You're there.

Your cold eyes stare at me,
  And at times your finger even points.
You search for me, but don't find me in the maze...
  I wish you would, but alas, I'm lost to you- oh, so lost...
Sometimes your love and warmth shine through-
   Like a candle in the darkness.
A hug here, a kiss there
  Shocking me to my knees...
Your words reverberate in my heart
  Like ripples upon the lake shore-
They never leave my mind.

Oh, but alas- twas only a dream at last-
  A dream- just a foolish dream lost to the mist-
The mist that holds my memory and the
  Chains that bind my pen.

When will I be free of the torment I feel, God?
  Of the love and the anguish and longing
For a soul so lost.
  Illuminate my path, dear Jesus,
Make your face shine upon me- open my
  Heart, and open my eyes- help me to see
You're the only way out
  Of a dream that turned
Into a nightmare.

Leaves

 It seems silly to me, that I may never be here one day...
I can't see myself doing anything different,
   Doing anything somewhere else.

The leaves on my oak tree,
Well, they burst out in fervor in spring...
   Then linger through summer-
Not clinging to the days but just living them.
They never complain about what tree they're on,
   Or what shape or color they are...if a bug has eaten them or not...
They just live.

And then- here is fall...and I'm sitting here writing...
I probably should be doing something else...
Something more important, but I find myself
   Admiring the leaves as they fall...
They're only leaves!
Yet, I'm still admiring them...

I'm sitting here on the front porch step looking up at my oak...
The sunlight dancing across my page...
My kitty harassing me...
And I look up at my oak-
The sunlight is filtering through the leaves as they slowly drift
   To the ground...carried on a light, warm breeze...

Why can't I just be a leaf?

After they fall from where they've lived their entire lives,
   They rest for a few moments on the ground until another breeze
Whips them up and then carries them to another place...
Only to be moved again...

Oh that I were a leaf...
My life would be so much simpler...
   *sigh

I Know You're Here

 Be Thou my peace and my safety secure,

  Guard me and keep me,

O Lord, now I pray.

 

Keep me from all of life's struggles

  And fears-

Nighmeres that torment the heart

  And the soul.

 

Put in my ear and in my mind's eye,

  Visions of rapture,

And sweet clouds in the sky.

 

Shake away the terrible sounds

  Of howling wind,

And clattering chains-

  Chains of the lost and the dying.

 

The furious beating of my heart

  Can be tamed, by only the

Soothing hand of the Savior...

  You, dear God.

 

Pain has assailed me and fear overtaken me...

  Why do I feel so entirely hunted?

 

In the midst of life's storm

  Whereon I'm tossed to and fro,

You hold me secure.

  Never to be shaken,

Never to be taken,

 

Thank You Lord,

  I know You're here.

And the Shackles Fell Away...

Future is a giant,

  That stalks me night and day.

Thoughts of it control my mind and wrap me up inside...

It leads me like a captured bird.

  Bars of iron are the thoughts that enclose my heart.

 Awake but alone,

  I succomb to Uncertaincy's advances.

His way or the highway is the decision,

 That I must make.

 But the knowledge and the truth,

  They will both set me free,

When I learned that Jesus Christ commands my future,

  My life, my dreams.

 Now it is His hand that leads me,

  His hand that guards.

My heart is no longer bound by iron chains,

  Like shackles upon my feet...

 Knowing that God commands the Future, the mountains,

  And the skies,

Gives me peace of mind to know that I know I am blessed,

  To just be loved unconditionally, completely, and for eternity,

 By a Creator of so many.

 And now, I can scream, for in my heart,

  I know I'm finally free.

Dream Parable

He was always there when I needed him 

When I asked for help he was there 

When I asked, "Can someone steady me?" 

He did that and much more. 

He lifted me off my feet to give me a better view, and when 

His arms grew shaky, 

And he had to put me down, 

He didn't fear to lift me up again~ 

  He went with me to see 

What he had never seen 

Except by the picture through my lens. 

Even though the danger was great and protection small, 

We faced the great unknown, 

But we walked hand in hand, 

As I have always longed~ 

  When danger came, 

And peril drew his sword, 

We ran away and fought the evil way, 

Into the deepest corner of safety we fled, 

And our lives were preserved. 

The greatest danger now was not the one outside the walls. 

The love that bound us close, 

Meant to justify the act, 

But Jesus Christ's dear words were strong within our hearts. 

I had almost stumbled, and tripped the one I loved, 

All for the sake of that love, 

The love we need to flee from~ 

  But then came the most difficult trials, 

The ones that we had to face alone, 

The next trial that I had, 

And the arms that once had held me, 

Were now nowhere to be found. 

Lust had tried to snare me, 

And pride had tried to kill, 

But I withheld those struggles, 

Because now the arms that held, 

Were the arms of my Savior. 

And I prevailed, but only with His kind words in my ear, 

And only in His arms could I feel secure~ 

  Now worry tried to trip me, 

And panic tried to crush, 

These evils almost had a grip, 

But my Savior chopped their hands away, 

He said, "My beloved is not a thing for you, you thieves and murderers,

  she is Mine and in My loving arms no one can snatch her away..." ~ 

  Now I know, Christ is my protection 

No matter whose arms lift me off my feet, 

The lions that tried to harm me, well, they were kittens in His eyes, 

For His commands the creatures, the mountain, and the skies. 

A love He gave to me, that day, 

One who will last till death due us part, 

But now come out of hiding, for I want you to hold me again. 

But when you do this time, 

I'll still be in my Lover's arms, for He'll never let me go, 

And I'll never want to leave. 

So lift me up, but never bring me down.~

What about you?

Okay, I want you to get this picture in your head. Ready?
A quiet meadow, stretching for endless miles...like a sea, calm and still. It's so quiet that you can hear the grass shifting in the wind, a gentle breeze. The sun is a warm yellow, and it's light is gently warming your skin. The sky above is littered with puffy white clouds that are moving lazily over the horizon. It is a picture of peace and happiness. The opposite picture is a picture of the the sea. The waves are catastrophic, they stretch over your head for miles, and you are covered, drowning, struggling. In despair. You can see the chaos overhead, as you look up through the water, to the lightning striking the water, and the rain pelting and beating the surface. Below you see blackness, endless water, despair. Nothing. You're sinking, and you though you struggle to break the surface, you only sink deeper, and deeper, to the bottom. Until all you see is blackness.
Whatever you do, whatever you try, the darkness pulls you. You want to cling to the peace, the stillness, the love, but the darkness pulls, and pulls, the despair, the grief, the hopelessness. You can't do anything. You're lost. I'm found, but still, sometimes, I too am lost. Drowning in hopelessness.

Take away my capacity for pain and you rob me of the possibility for joy. --Ross W. Marrs

Dreamer

There is a road leading from my house,
Into the world it goes like a child leaving home;
It wanders here and there,
Merging and breaking away,
Coming back and leaving.

Upon this road I travel,
But only in mind and heart;
It calls to me like a bluebird,
Then shuns me like a ghost.

This road I talk about can be,
It seems, a very strange place to be
It calls to me then turns me swiftly away
As if my place there is not for me,
But in turning away I glance behind,
Just to see a glimpse of my dream fading behind...

Dreams and Roads, you see, walk hand in hand
At times they love each other, like a pair of newly-wedded lovers,
But at other times they hate and turn away from each other
Hardly knowing why their hands don't slip apart
But little do they know that Fate,
Their hard-faced mother, holds them swiftly to each other.

But there I go again, lost in memories
Fate is not their mother
Like they are not newly-married lovers

Amidst all of this chaos
Is a still mind and a peaceful heart
Because the heavy chains that bound me
Vanished like my dreams.

The road I used to travel,
Well it's all gone away
For I've turned down another
Full of light, and joy, and peace

From there my Savior and my Lover
Will lead me forever on
Until my road will come to an end
Like my dreams did long ago.