This is eating me like an acid in the back of my throat; there is a lump forming in my throat and my head feels tingly and light and like it's being eaten away by doubt and worry and my breathing is shallow and even though I'm breathing it feels as if I am not taking in any air and my lungs burn with the worry and the questioning of if I have really done wrong; if I really have fallen so far as to convince myself to run ahead of God. I've been hurt by the words, how can I turn them around and say them so flippantly; so flippantly without even thinking. Have I been a fool again and just fallen? Why would I care so much for myself to disregard any feelings of anyone else? Am I still such a debased, selfish coward looking out only for myself?
I'm lying on the table and my chest is laid open and cut into pieces. My heart is being eaten by the cold air and it beats and beats and beats and as it searches to survive it beats out every drop of blood until there is no more to bleed; until there is nothing but air to pump. And it slowly dries and shrivels until it's just a tough lump of old muscle, waiting to be discarded; waiting to dissolve into the dust it was formed from.
