Today I'm reading in: ℋEBREWS 1
The introduction to the book of Hebrews states it was written to encourage Christians in time of trial; and it goes on to say that it does so by focusing on the supremacy and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Isn't it so true, even though we fail to see it, that when we focus on Jesus, and focus on the good things that He gives us, they encourage us and make us joyful?
1:1-2 "In many times and many ways" God spoke to the peoples-through the prophets. Now, we have the Son who speaks to us-we have the gift of the Holy Spirit to lead us wherever we should go.
1:8-9 Jesus rules with a scepter of uprighteousness; He hates the evil and loves the good, therefore "God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness beyond your companions."
1:12b: "But You are the same, and your years will have no end." ♡
What to remember today:
① When we are in the midst of trials, focus on the good-the fullness and completeness of Him and the gifts we have been given.
② Always be talking to and listening to Jesus; do not grieve or quench the Spirit by refusing to listen.
③ Love uprightness; is gives men joy, gladness, and peace.
☂ for now
27 April 2013
26 April 2013
If Only...
It seems lately as if I can't scrub those two little words out of my mind and heart. They birth such an ache and a dreadful emptiness inside my soul. It teaches me to be unthankful, full of self, and bitter about the cards I have been played. In my mind I say, "If only I had a cabin in the woods..." all the way to "If only I hadn't done..."
There is an empty echo inside me when I catch myself saying those words, as if somehow feelings of guilt or remorse, greed or desires could fill me. I've tried to fill myself with things before, but I have failed miserably to create happiness.
It always amazes me that we human beings try to fill that ache in our hearts with things, or with people, but we overlook the realization that no matter what we try, when it's over we're still searching.
Searching.
Empty.
Lonely.
Numb.
Tired.
Deeper than the surface feelings, it's that emptiness you feel, and are slightly aware of no matter where you go and what you do. Even in the busiest day it hangs like a cobweb in the back if your mind. I'm quite familiar with the feeling. I fight it nearly every day.
I don't have to sit here sad about what I don't have. And I don't have to sit here bitter about what has happened to me throughout my life.
I don't have to be chained.
It has been said that when you are focused on the past you feel guilty, and when you focus on the future you feel fear and apprehension. But then there is the present. In the present we find peace.
Peace is such an interesting word; but despite the word, the meaning and implications are astounding. It always puzzled me how people would talk about being in the hardest part of their lives, and then they continue on to say that in the midst of it they have peace. Peace. Is that was peace means? Is it putting aside the fears and guilt and living today to the fullest?
When you look over your shoulder at the past it points its finger and scoffs at you, reminding you of all the times you've failed; and then there is the future. He is running away, looking over his shoulder, dreaming a lion is chasing him. Why do we make life so hard for ourselves? Why do we wish to live in the land of "if only...?"
I ask why, and then I go my way, and not five seconds later it returns like a pestering gnat. "But what if, if only...." And the weakness inside me trembles.
There is an empty echo inside me when I catch myself saying those words, as if somehow feelings of guilt or remorse, greed or desires could fill me. I've tried to fill myself with things before, but I have failed miserably to create happiness.
It always amazes me that we human beings try to fill that ache in our hearts with things, or with people, but we overlook the realization that no matter what we try, when it's over we're still searching.
Searching.
Empty.
Lonely.
Numb.
Tired.
Deeper than the surface feelings, it's that emptiness you feel, and are slightly aware of no matter where you go and what you do. Even in the busiest day it hangs like a cobweb in the back if your mind. I'm quite familiar with the feeling. I fight it nearly every day.
I don't have to sit here sad about what I don't have. And I don't have to sit here bitter about what has happened to me throughout my life.
I don't have to be chained.
It has been said that when you are focused on the past you feel guilty, and when you focus on the future you feel fear and apprehension. But then there is the present. In the present we find peace.
Peace is such an interesting word; but despite the word, the meaning and implications are astounding. It always puzzled me how people would talk about being in the hardest part of their lives, and then they continue on to say that in the midst of it they have peace. Peace. Is that was peace means? Is it putting aside the fears and guilt and living today to the fullest?
When you look over your shoulder at the past it points its finger and scoffs at you, reminding you of all the times you've failed; and then there is the future. He is running away, looking over his shoulder, dreaming a lion is chasing him. Why do we make life so hard for ourselves? Why do we wish to live in the land of "if only...?"
I ask why, and then I go my way, and not five seconds later it returns like a pestering gnat. "But what if, if only...." And the weakness inside me trembles.
16 April 2013
I Never Knew
I never dreamt I could hurt this much; to have this much stripped away. I never knew, I never knew.
I think of the melody, the words--"When you don't understand, and you can't see His hand, trust His heart." It keeps repeating inside my mind, over and over. I have a feeling, a deep dread that it is the only thing keeping me from falling over and melting into a puddle on the ground.
And I need to cry, but my eyes are so dry. I need to fall down in the rain, but the sun is shining bright. All I feel is so entirely numb. So numb I hardly feel alive.
Oh Jesus, oh dear God, I can't see Your hand. Why does it have to be so hard, why does the load have to be so excruciatingly heavy? My eyes so painfully dry?
I think of the melody, the words--"When you don't understand, and you can't see His hand, trust His heart." It keeps repeating inside my mind, over and over. I have a feeling, a deep dread that it is the only thing keeping me from falling over and melting into a puddle on the ground.
And I need to cry, but my eyes are so dry. I need to fall down in the rain, but the sun is shining bright. All I feel is so entirely numb. So numb I hardly feel alive.
Oh Jesus, oh dear God, I can't see Your hand. Why does it have to be so hard, why does the load have to be so excruciatingly heavy? My eyes so painfully dry?
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