I never dreamt I could hurt this much; to have this much stripped away. I never knew, I never knew.
I think of the melody, the words--"When you don't understand, and you can't see His hand, trust His heart." It keeps repeating inside my mind, over and over. I have a feeling, a deep dread that it is the only thing keeping me from falling over and melting into a puddle on the ground.
And I need to cry, but my eyes are so dry. I need to fall down in the rain, but the sun is shining bright. All I feel is so entirely numb. So numb I hardly feel alive.
Oh Jesus, oh dear God, I can't see Your hand. Why does it have to be so hard, why does the load have to be so excruciatingly heavy? My eyes so painfully dry?
