Some nights are so calm I almost wish for a thunderstorm to break out; for the thunder to rock the world and the lightning to strike every man deserving. I wish for the pounding rain to stream down my face, soak through my clothes, and wash this ache away. Oh the ache. I don't know how to describe it other than the throbbing of a toothache, or the tight squeezing of a weakened heart. I'm out of words, I feel so broken, so lost.
I'm fighting tonight between what I know and what I feel. I know that I am not lost; I know that I am saved; I know that no matter how dark the night, the dawn will always come, but I feel so empty. So entirely lonely. Not for people, not for things. I feel lonely for God. I am feeling God-hungry tonight. When I feel like this, so empty, like I wish the ground's arms would reach up and pull me under, my little broken heart cries, and it cries, and it cries. And when the tears are all gone and I'm still lying here broken on the floor, He is always there, still there, to pick me up. For like that poem says, when there was only one set of footprints, He was carrying me.
I need to rest in my Jesus's arms tonight.
He knows my pain; He knows my past; and He still holds my hand.
