With All My Heart

Have you ever thought about how shallow life can be? We fill our days with so many little meaningless things in hopes that someday it will add up to something. We eat three meals a day (well some of us), drive to work, drive home, go to school, sleep, stare at our phones, edit pictures for Instagram, gossip with friends and family about other people's lives.. But what does all that really do? I slip so often into a cycle of getting up late, filling my days with inconsequential tasks, staying up into the wee hours of the morning, and repeating the process. And then I wonder why my spirit feels so dry and thirsty. I wonder why my heart is shrouded in a thick cloud of depression and why I can't seem to see anything good in life. I've heard and read so many times that the only sanity in a world of insanity is Christ--and my heart knows the truth of it. When I content myself to merely wade through the shallows of His love and my relationship with Him, the rest of me dries up and my soul aches as it begins to return to the dust from which He made me. I read so many articles about the church and Christians, not to mention society, rejecting absolute truth, the Biblical definition of marriage, supporting abortion and homosexual rights, and my heart breaks. My heart breaks because in every single case it is people trying to rediscover themselves and fill the void inside their hearts with things that never last and never truly satisfy. My heart aches almost to the point that I don't even care to live because life seems hopeless and all that is good lost. But He created me for a life of joy and fullness, to bring Him glory and spread His fame--how can I live that way if I am shrouded in eternal sadness?
I can't.
Not in my own strength.
He tells me that I cannot be comfortable in the world and that I will be hated because I proclaim His name--He tells me that I am an alien, and I know it to be true. So why then do I deny my destiny, my homeland, my first Love? Why do I content myself with living a shallow life, wading in the warm waters near the sandy shores? Do I not want to get my hair wet, have to wear myself out struggling to swim against the waves? Or is it simply because living in the shallows is much easier than swimming out to sea? My beloved, you and I will never be satisfied if we are not willing to give our all. He whispers to my heart You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I'm not sure I've ever done anything in my entire life with all my heart. I'm not even sure I know what that means.
But I crave Him and I long for Him like I could never long for another. I've tasted, but I have not drunk deeply enough of Him, and my heart shall never be satisfied. If I ever learn to do anything with all my heart, it shall be to seek His face, for He is my heart's ambition--my soul's destination.
And He has done so much.
Oh so much-- for me.