Blind, Tears

I feel so lonely, so absurdly lonely. I hate this feeling. I hate being needy, I hate being sad. I hate feeling like I’m all alone in the world. I want someone to cherish me for my soul and never ever let me go. But it’s an illusion- this is a dream. How can I ever do what God has called me to do if I’m focused on pitying myself? Conflicting emotions are warring within me tonight. I hate the injustice of this world- it crushes my sense of love and peace and just makes me angry inside. I’m tired- oh, so tired. I don’t know what to do. All I can do is sit here and cry; try to think about nothing but the bird songs I’m imagining outside the window pane. My name calls me beloved, but am I? My name reassures me that I am God’s, but why can’t I feel Him? I feel like a fool asking why- I feel like a fool when I get dragged down by all this mess, but I just can’t bear it sometimes. I’ll again yield this burden, but I still feel like crying. Sometimes all I want to do is die. Or just simply forget.