I'm not sure many people realize just how little things, material things mean until they find themselves with nothing. It doesn't matter whether you have the whole world or whether all you have is a rock you just stooped to pick up out of the dirt--in the end you will still be empty. So empty, without Christ. I always heard growing up in a Christian home that there is a God-shaped hole in all our hearts, and it wasn't until I found myself completely empty that I realized how true that really is. There is a God-shaped hole in every heart, because every man was made to be with God, and every man rebelled. I rebelled. I walked away. I faltered, and I fell. But God is sovereign, and God is faithful even when we are not.
So as I sit here, looking around me and cherishing every moment I have left in this house that I have called my home since the day I was born, I realize again that God is sovereign. I may not, okay definitely do not, understand why, or what purpose God has in this, but I know He has one, and I also know that His plans are to give me a future and a hope. Even though I'm sitting here near-hopeless and at the point of weeping away all moisture in my body, I trust Him. Because I know that whatever happens and whatever may come, He is with me, and I am precious in His eyes, even though the whole world despise me--even though the whole world, it seems, is searching to draw the life-blood out of my veins and spill it on the ground, I will give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God.
So I'll sit here and listen to the crickets chirp, and feel the breeze blow sweet and low. I'll be thankful for the time I have, and not bitter about the time I don't.
23 August 2013
21 August 2013
Calmed to a Quiet, pt. 2
It seems so unearthly, so unnatural, that I shall be soon ascending a witness stand and testifying before, as my mind imagines, a stern-faced judge, both for and against my own flesh and blood. If you had approached me even today a year ago and asked me if I ever imagined doing such a thing you would have found me shaking my head in horror. The funny thing is that I'm still shaking my head in horror--in unutterable anguish of spirit. An anguish of spirit so similar to that of what Job, our "other path person" faced, but overcame.
We ended before in the middle of a long nightmare. All that Job had was snatched away--was burned up like chaff in flame. In hot, burning, tortuous pain. And yet, he lay on the ground, face in the dirt, worshiping God, something that I am ashamed that I do not do as I should.
The next scene of the story is somewhat familiar...Satan has appeared again in the throne room of God Almighty. He hasn't changed what he has been doing much, for he hasn't stopped walking up and down the face of the earth. Then God said, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast to his integrity, although you incited Me against him to destroy him without reason." But that devil Satan had an excuse. I can just imagine his face twisting in disgust and his whiny little voice saying, "Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. But stretch out Your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse You to Your face." My first thought would be: goodness, what gall to say that to the Maker of the universe, the very God who threw you, Satan, out of Heaven to wander the earth in hate and bitterness--what gall to say that Job would curse God to His face. Sheww. Glad I'm not him.
But we shall see that Job proved Satan wrong. So wrong, in fact, that Satan had to use his back-up plan. And not only that, but he ended up slinking away defeated. And he didn't show back up at God's throne room saying "Ha, ha!" either.
But I'm running ahead of myself.
Satan, after making such a bold, defiant remark to God's very face, went out from the presence of God and struck Job with a terrible case of "loathsome sores" that covered his entire body from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. I am pretty sure that I would have screamed in torment and ran wildly throughout the village pulling my hair and begging someone to shoot me. Well, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the picture. Apparently Job and I are not the same person, because he calmly sat where he was, in a pile of cold ash. I can imagine him sifting his fingers through the white dustiness and finding a piece of broken, red pottery, forgotten and useless. I can see him holding it up to his eyes and looking at it...then looking at his oozing body. And he scraped his flesh with the broken piece. Not saying a word, just enduring his agony in silence. What is the agony of body though, compared to the agony of spirit when one has lost what is most dear to him.
I know not how long the silence dragged on, but Job's wife was apparently having a harder time than Job, because she came to him and said, "Do you still hold fast (to) your integrity? Curse God and die." But Job, patient Job, spoke softly in return, "'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips."
I, my friends, am ashamed. I am ashamed of my lack of faith, my lack of patience, my lack of perseverance in the face of trials. Literally, in my case. God has taught me time and time again that He allows things to happen in our lives--things that are the result of the free will of all men--to refine us as gold is refined in the fire. A lump of gold dug straight from the earth isn't worth much, but after it has been melted and the dross removed, over and over and over again, it becomes more and more pure. Until it is as clear as glass. I need to be willing to endure, and be willing to grow through every trial so that I am not a black chunk of stone, not even a polished nugget of gold, but a clear, smooth piece of treasure, so that when others see me, they shall not see me, but see God on the other side, shining through and using me for His glory, and His great, good purposes.
We ended before in the middle of a long nightmare. All that Job had was snatched away--was burned up like chaff in flame. In hot, burning, tortuous pain. And yet, he lay on the ground, face in the dirt, worshiping God, something that I am ashamed that I do not do as I should.
The next scene of the story is somewhat familiar...Satan has appeared again in the throne room of God Almighty. He hasn't changed what he has been doing much, for he hasn't stopped walking up and down the face of the earth. Then God said, "Have you considered my servant Job, that there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast to his integrity, although you incited Me against him to destroy him without reason." But that devil Satan had an excuse. I can just imagine his face twisting in disgust and his whiny little voice saying, "Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. But stretch out Your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse You to Your face." My first thought would be: goodness, what gall to say that to the Maker of the universe, the very God who threw you, Satan, out of Heaven to wander the earth in hate and bitterness--what gall to say that Job would curse God to His face. Sheww. Glad I'm not him.
But we shall see that Job proved Satan wrong. So wrong, in fact, that Satan had to use his back-up plan. And not only that, but he ended up slinking away defeated. And he didn't show back up at God's throne room saying "Ha, ha!" either.
But I'm running ahead of myself.
Satan, after making such a bold, defiant remark to God's very face, went out from the presence of God and struck Job with a terrible case of "loathsome sores" that covered his entire body from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. I am pretty sure that I would have screamed in torment and ran wildly throughout the village pulling my hair and begging someone to shoot me. Well, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the picture. Apparently Job and I are not the same person, because he calmly sat where he was, in a pile of cold ash. I can imagine him sifting his fingers through the white dustiness and finding a piece of broken, red pottery, forgotten and useless. I can see him holding it up to his eyes and looking at it...then looking at his oozing body. And he scraped his flesh with the broken piece. Not saying a word, just enduring his agony in silence. What is the agony of body though, compared to the agony of spirit when one has lost what is most dear to him.
I know not how long the silence dragged on, but Job's wife was apparently having a harder time than Job, because she came to him and said, "Do you still hold fast (to) your integrity? Curse God and die." But Job, patient Job, spoke softly in return, "'You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?' In all this Job did not sin with his lips."
I, my friends, am ashamed. I am ashamed of my lack of faith, my lack of patience, my lack of perseverance in the face of trials. Literally, in my case. God has taught me time and time again that He allows things to happen in our lives--things that are the result of the free will of all men--to refine us as gold is refined in the fire. A lump of gold dug straight from the earth isn't worth much, but after it has been melted and the dross removed, over and over and over again, it becomes more and more pure. Until it is as clear as glass. I need to be willing to endure, and be willing to grow through every trial so that I am not a black chunk of stone, not even a polished nugget of gold, but a clear, smooth piece of treasure, so that when others see me, they shall not see me, but see God on the other side, shining through and using me for His glory, and His great, good purposes.
18 August 2013
Calmed to a Quiet
I woke up worried today. Then I went to church and instead of becoming calmed and Spirit-filled, I became distraught and resentful. When the prospect of losing everything you love flashes not only across your mind, but also reality, your very life, it creates a certain bitterness and emptiness that is un-fillable. And it longs. And it craves. And when it does not become filled but instead dries up more and more until your heart feels like the driest desert on earth, a painful, empty bitterness and anger takes over until all you can do is wish there were tears of sweet fulfillment to drink and moisten your empty cup. But even fulfillment does not moisten the dryness of bitterness away. It just makes it grow until all you do is lash out, lash out, lash out...until the day that you die.
But there is also another road, a road less traveled, and in human eyes, more bitter than the first. And that, my dear friends, is the pathway of the man of God named Job. I don't know how many of you have heard of the story of Job, but it begins with Satan making an appearance before God. This conniving scoundrel had been wandering up and down the earth, and had taken notice of the man he could not foil. The man who trusted and depended upon God deeply enough not to stumble. Now, mind you, he was not sinless, but he walked in the ways of God. He was humble, gentle, persevering, and repentant--a man in whom God was pleased. Now Satan had noticed this man, and had come before God requesting that he test Job mightily to see if he would cave to the pressure and deny his God. Don't ask me, because I don't know why God said yes to Satan, other than the fact that He was testing Job's faith as gold is tested in the fire--as to be refined-- but God allowed Satan's test to proceed; with the exception that Job's person should not be harmed.
"And the LORD said to Satan, 'Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.' So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD."
The next series of events happened in one day--now mind you, not all "kingdoms" fall in one day, but Job's life was completely destroyed. "Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house, and there came a messenger to Job and said..."
AND HE SAID...your oxen were stolen (1000 in all), your donkeys were stolen (500 female), your servants were killed...and I alone have escaped to tell you. While that man was talking, another rushed in AND SAID, fire from Heaven fell down and devoured your sheep (7000) and your servants...and I alone have escaped to tell you. While THAT man was still talking, another man rushed in AND SAID, the Chaldeans made a raid on your camels (3000), killed all your servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you. AND THEN (one more, I promise), while that man was still speaking, another breathless servant came rushing in and exclaimed, your sons (a whole seven of them) and daughters (only three of them), were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house and a great wind came across the desert and struck the four corners of the house so that it fell and crushed them all to smithereens! (I'm sure he didn't say it exactly like that, but you get the point), and I ALONE have escaped to tell you!
Man, what a day for Job. In the morning when he had gotten up, he had taken inventory of all he had. One wife: check. Seven sons: check. Three daughters: check. Seven-thousand sheep: check. Three-thousand camels: check. Five hundred yoke of oxen (which makes 1000 since there is two in each yoke): check. Five hundred female donkeys: check. AND a very many servants: check. Would you say Job had it made? Yeah, I think I would too. And now, not many hours from the moment he looked around with a smile on his face and joy in his heart because of all the blessings he had been blessed with, Job--Job the great and wealthy, loved of God, tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell on the ground....and worshipped. I can not imagine the agony that was ripping through this man's great heart. What was all his wealth to his children, his precious children. I can imagine the sobs of the four remaining servants of Job and the wails of his wife. And Job, face in the dirt, sick with pain...worshipping. How can a man worship when he has received, not minutes before, news that all he possessed and loved was gone? I do not understand.
"And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.' In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong."
Oh my Lord, that I would have the faith and patience of Job.
But the story is a nightmare only to be continued...
But there is also another road, a road less traveled, and in human eyes, more bitter than the first. And that, my dear friends, is the pathway of the man of God named Job. I don't know how many of you have heard of the story of Job, but it begins with Satan making an appearance before God. This conniving scoundrel had been wandering up and down the earth, and had taken notice of the man he could not foil. The man who trusted and depended upon God deeply enough not to stumble. Now, mind you, he was not sinless, but he walked in the ways of God. He was humble, gentle, persevering, and repentant--a man in whom God was pleased. Now Satan had noticed this man, and had come before God requesting that he test Job mightily to see if he would cave to the pressure and deny his God. Don't ask me, because I don't know why God said yes to Satan, other than the fact that He was testing Job's faith as gold is tested in the fire--as to be refined-- but God allowed Satan's test to proceed; with the exception that Job's person should not be harmed.
"And the LORD said to Satan, 'Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.' So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD."
The next series of events happened in one day--now mind you, not all "kingdoms" fall in one day, but Job's life was completely destroyed. "Now there was a day when his sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house, and there came a messenger to Job and said..."
AND HE SAID...your oxen were stolen (1000 in all), your donkeys were stolen (500 female), your servants were killed...and I alone have escaped to tell you. While that man was talking, another rushed in AND SAID, fire from Heaven fell down and devoured your sheep (7000) and your servants...and I alone have escaped to tell you. While THAT man was still talking, another man rushed in AND SAID, the Chaldeans made a raid on your camels (3000), killed all your servants with the edge of the sword, and I alone have escaped to tell you. AND THEN (one more, I promise), while that man was still speaking, another breathless servant came rushing in and exclaimed, your sons (a whole seven of them) and daughters (only three of them), were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother's house and a great wind came across the desert and struck the four corners of the house so that it fell and crushed them all to smithereens! (I'm sure he didn't say it exactly like that, but you get the point), and I ALONE have escaped to tell you!
Man, what a day for Job. In the morning when he had gotten up, he had taken inventory of all he had. One wife: check. Seven sons: check. Three daughters: check. Seven-thousand sheep: check. Three-thousand camels: check. Five hundred yoke of oxen (which makes 1000 since there is two in each yoke): check. Five hundred female donkeys: check. AND a very many servants: check. Would you say Job had it made? Yeah, I think I would too. And now, not many hours from the moment he looked around with a smile on his face and joy in his heart because of all the blessings he had been blessed with, Job--Job the great and wealthy, loved of God, tore his robe, shaved his head, and fell on the ground....and worshipped. I can not imagine the agony that was ripping through this man's great heart. What was all his wealth to his children, his precious children. I can imagine the sobs of the four remaining servants of Job and the wails of his wife. And Job, face in the dirt, sick with pain...worshipping. How can a man worship when he has received, not minutes before, news that all he possessed and loved was gone? I do not understand.
"And he said, 'Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.' In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong."
Oh my Lord, that I would have the faith and patience of Job.
But the story is a nightmare only to be continued...
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