Every breath, in and out, I struggle to hold back bitter tears. It makes me struggle to breathe and my heart screams and cries why within. This is my home--mine; why is everything that I love taken away from me--why? This is all I've ever known. I've walked up and down this hall for nineteen years; my first steps were taken here, my first words were heard by these walls that have grown to laugh and cry with me. And my heart screams out to my God why, Oh my God, why. Why are we put through so much pain, why do we have to have all that we value stripped away from us. I want to wake up and realize that it was all a horrible dream, but no, I wake up from nightmares only to realize that they seem beautiful to the daylight that I have to wake up to face. I don't know what to do anymore. I fight so hard to hold back a flood of tears--I have to be the strong one, the brave one--I have to. And yet on the inside I'm shriveling up and drying into an unknown something. A girl like many others who has had everything stripped away and has seen more pain that joy. I've seen joy, yes, but like Job, I ask God why He ever deemed to breathe breath into my lungs if all my days were meant to see such pain--meant to end in such a horror story. I guess it must be true that you don't really realize how much you love something, or someone, until it's gone. And by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed. That's what I am--crushed.
And yet, no mere words can express the crushing depth of sorrow inside my little heart. Until you see my tears you cannot understand the truth of what I say.
