Hebrews 12:3 is my verse for the day-it says: "Consider Him who endured from sinners such hostility against Himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." How much oftentimes do I find myself growing weary, and very fainthearted-to the point of having droopy hands and weak knees. Oh my Jesus, I am struggling to keep my head above this deep pit of mire that I seem to be sinking in. I know this is not how You intend me to be-You with the gift of the joy of Your salvation, and just the fact that you are not a God who has any part in confusion or fear, but rather of power, and love, and a sound mind. Oh Jesus, I've just been trying not to think about what's coming-but it's not working. I'm ashamed to say that my faith is small and weak and fragile, so far away from how I know You want it to be. I want to pray for a miracle, but at the same time I'm scared, that my prayer won't be answered in the way I want it to. I feel as if I'm a failure-I have a pulsing, nagging pain in my head, and at moments it's all I can do to keep from falling on the floor and just curling up into a ball while I sob-and just die.
But I will still reach out my hand to take Yours; I will still trust You, even in the greatest of trials.
