Tears Down My Cheeks

Oh peaceful day
Where have you gone
I’ve gotten older
And you’ve left me alone.
The flocks have flown
The sparrows came and went
The cool air seeps into my lungs
But all I feel is older,
Older, and undone.
I used to listen to the sparrows
The morning doves and crickets too
I used to scan the skies for rainbows
And listen the rain fall on the roof.
I used to keep snails and frogs and snakes
And I used to listen to the leaves dancing upon the wind
I used to draw on the driveway with colored chalks,
And I used to shoot hoops, jump rope, ride my bike, and go on walks.
What do I have left but a busy day,
Countless heartaches and the memories of past mistakes?
When beauty has been tainted by darkness and sin
You tend to not see the beauty still around you because deep inside you feel that, like you, someday it will end.
I long to be back inside that little girl;
The one innocent to the world,
The one unscarred by violence
And unbroken by the loss of love.
I long to reach my arm up and trace the paneled lines of ceiling in my grammamma’s house in the mountains, hear the roar of the semi on the highway;
I long to dip my feet in the big river and fish with my papa of long ago.
I’m tired of the pain of life; I long to stay a little girl; curled up in the sleeping bag of dancing deer,
And dream of princes riding over mountain peaks.
I long to tuck my feet under me upon the window seat in that little cabin on the hill, and stay there till the sun sinks low.
I’ve slowly forgotten the child-dreams,
Forgotten the innocence of youth.
How I wish to return inside that little body, even with the rumpled braid and wild curls.
Where the pressure of life was not even a thought, and the joy of life was never-ending.
Maybe in my dreams tonight
I can be that little girl,
Because some days it’s too hard
To live in the wide, and lonely world.

Crossroads

I sit upon my bed and I
Can't tear my eyes away from the floor
"I hear it in your voice; your dreams are all slowing down."
My head in my hands
What is this decision I must make
Which is the path of light,
And which is the path of dark.
So tired, just to lay down and die
  Would be such a sweet pleasure;
"All we know is that we do not know."
The thought of causing pain
  Creates a war inside my soul
Like to live or to die
Am I killing myself,
  By letting this die?
Oh God, lead me
  Guide me,
Holy Spirit, speak for me,
Whisper in my ear now,
  As never before,
The way this little one should go.

Candle in the Window

And once upon a Christmas Eve
She rubbed her hands and covered her arms
In the snow she sat and wept.
The forest all around,
And the sky so dark above her head;
She could see her breath in the frosty air,
She her footprints in the freshly laid snow.

And she shivered in the cold;
All alone, none by her side,
So she laid down and wept,
And then she died.

Christmas morn bloomed bright and fair
Sun shining upon the winter wonderland
Like a thousand tiny jewels
Upon the porch step laid.

When the little child-face peered out
But what did she see, her face upturned in beauty
But a beauty lying in the snow
The flakes of purest snow rested gently on her pale cheeks
The frost upon her lashes.

The little one knew not what to do
A tremulous finger touched the fading red lips,
Brushed away the limp wet hair;
Then looked up and cried-
“Papa, she died!”

Christmas night in the house belonging to the porch
Sat a solemn little party of papa, mama, and the little one
All was dark without the windows, save a candle in the window
Lit to light a traveler’s path
To save a soul from dying in the snow

The little one lit a candle
And whispered, “Papa, I’ll name her Mercy.”
“Why such, my little one?” he said.
“Because, dear Daddy,” she whispered as she held the candle up to see,
“Like Mercy came and died, so did Jesus, so that we would someday see a candle in the window,
And not have to freeze under the snow.”