Precious in His Hand

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

(Psalm 139:1-18, 23, 24 ESV)

So Thankful

My Jesus, I love Thee
I know Thou art Mine

If ever I loved Thee
My Jesus, ’tis now

Your peace, Your Love dearest Jesus,
Guard me each step of the way

When rocks are thrown hard
And I fall down to my knees

When storms rage and wage
War upon my soul

When little doubts like serpents
Wiggle themselves into my mind

Jesus, You’re always here
Jesus, You’ve never left

I have left and walked away
And I have stolen my own purity

I left myself as dirty trash
And walked away from guarding me

I clawed and grasped and tore and raged
But Your love, it just would not let me go

And I, I am so infinitely thankful, dear Lord

It’s a phrase I’ve spoken over and over
Maybe next time I’ll be better

But I never am, and neither can you be
For we are inherently evil, inherently torn

As this pain seeks to overwhelm
And this doubt almost seems to crush and suffocate

I see
And for once I understand

Through this pain You’re drawing me in
Closer to You than ever before

And for this I’m forever thankful
For this I always look twice
To see how through these moments of anguish You’ll grow me.

Thank You Jesus, that You do.

L'amour, Votre Petit Fantôme

Crunchy ground and whispering tree
What is there, next there for me
Here I come and here I go
Wondering where these shadows run.

Through those darkened, deepened trees
Where all around me silence lays
Beady eyes are following
Following me through these trees.

One step, two step following
As these leaves crunch underneath
Breaking up this silence till
Pieces of it will suffocate
Suffocate me till I’m still.

Shivers up and down my spine
And quivers in my heart
Stumbling, but I’ll carry on
Someday I’ll be free.
I breathe.

But still his eyes were following
Still his shadow stalked
Like a beast in black and grey
Coming up there behind me.

I came upon a glade and then
Like a moment paused and stopped
Round me did my world did spin
And my eyes grew dim.

There he was and there he stood
His breath hot on my neck
Greedy hands around my throat
Filling up these choking lungs.

In a moment all was still
And then I saw myself, I fell
Lifeless down upon the grass
Eyes glazed over hard as glass

Now it’s I that follow you
Through those woods and through those glades
Never can you escape my eyes
And yours have grown so scared.

But like a ghost I’ll follow you
I’ll never leave your side
You took my life, my spirit lives
And it, it will not die.

Follow, follow, follow still.
Follow, follow, follow still.

Like a ghost I’ll follow you
Follow, follow, follow.