I'd Rather be a Rock than a Wave

It's the first night I've been home in seven weeks, and I have a craving for coffee and pretzels. I've missed this house and my own bed, but at the same time I haven't. Isn't it strange how you can miss something but yet at the same time be relieved that it isn't there anymore? I'm not even sure I understand how that works.
Camp always has a way of changing me, whether it be my attitude, or my heart, or just simply my outlook on life. It's that spiritual "mountain" that lasts just enough to make you forget what a valley feels like. And I come home and think, "This time it will be different..." But I know deep inside that I'll see those valleys again. It took me a long time this summer to really latch onto the swing of hard work and making genuine time for God. More often than not I find myself depending upon what I feel about God, and letting that determine my relationship with Him rather than what I know to be true. One of my favorite quotes is from a beautiful lady named Elisabeth Elliot: Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith. I have to ask myself, is what I believe based upon what I feel, or the Word of God? If I wait to pray because I do not feel the Spirit moving, will I ever pray, or will I ever feel the presence of God? If I wait to study the life-giving words until I feel inspired will I ever open the Book at all? I know from past experience that I won't. I'll just simply let it be, and then I'll slip away until one day I have a reality check and realize that I've been groping around in darkness and not moving anywhere. If I never try, I'll never be able to succeed. It's easier to steer something that is moving forward rather than something that is standing still. If I love God, I'll make time for Him, but unless I make time for Him, how can I learn to love Him? Tonight I want to make a commitment to strengthen my determination to seek His face even in the times that I cannot see His hand.