Pretend

Tonight is one of those nights when I can’t fall asleep, and I lay here awake instead. Thoughts are running though my head and memories and dreams. Dreams and wishes that have all faded away and been tossed away like broken mirrors- reflecting bits and pieces of who I used to be. It’s so dark. All I hear is the steady ticking of the clock on the farmhouse kitchen wall and the familiar creaking of the worn hardwood floor as I pace up and down and wander throughout the rooms of this tiny house. The faded wallpaper strewn with roses and the yellow tin pitcher filled with yesterday’s wildflowers. The picture-frame windows ajar to let the summer breezes enter and the melodic chirping of a lonely cricket. The millions of stars over my head and not another being for miles.
With my flannel robe and bare feet I’ll wander to the front porch swing and listen to the familiar creaking, my long brown curls draped over my shoulder and the moon glowing bright.
Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking. I beat myself up with no valid reason- my self-esteem is crushed and who has done the deed? I have. My dreams are spoilt by my own carelessness and pride and my heart is wooed without a lover- it was just a dream.
Is this whole life just a dream?
Finally my eyes grow sleepy.