Bending, Swaying

Down I look
Down at my feet
As I pick up one
And then the other
Faltering as I carry on.

This ground sways under me
Like the waves of mighty seas
Like a tree bent in the wind
I’m struggling to rise up off my knees
And carry on again.

But I can’t stop this shifting
This swaying of the ground
Maybe it’s all in my head
Maybe I’m just falling down.

Everything is quivering
Before my eyes
I don’t hear what you’re saying
And I cannot even think.

These eyes are heavy with these tears
I’ve never shed
And this burden lodged deep in my chest
Keeps coming up to surface.

And each time it surfaces
To take another breath
It lives another day
So it can surface again;
And when it takes that breath, you see,
The pain is so sharp it brings me to my knees.

My knees are scarred
And black and blue
From falling on the ground
The rocks they pierce and draw my blood
And suffocate my soul.

I cannot think of love, my dear,
When I cannot see its source
I cannot think of joy, my dear,
When there is only waves over me.

I look too long and far too hard
At all these blackened waves-
Swirling ‘bought my feet and heart
And breaking on this beach.

The wind is cold and stings my face
And crinkles up my lungs
And I shrink from Nature’s touch
Like she’s out to do me harm.

So cold, this wind
So deep, this pain
So dark, this world around me.

My soul, it cries in bitter pain
And suffers oh so greatly.

Oh Jesus, take this shaking hand
And put your arm around me
My shoulders are so small and
I can’t see where I’m falling
My eyes have blackened and slowly I become
Warmed from the inside out
It spreads to every limb
And somehow I’ve stopped drowning.