and no one cares anymore."
I've been struggling so much the past few weeks, more like months, now...
with a lack of feeling hungry, but intense mood changes instead;
with a lack of true conversation with someone other than my man;
with a lack of communication with the people I thought who cared enough to keep in contact;
with a feeling of un-appreciation and being burnt out on everything I've ever done.
And all of it has crowded down on top of me with such a ferocity that at least once a week I find myself crying desperate tears and experiencing heaves of shortness of breath.
I just feel totally alone and I don't know how to fix it or how to move on.
I feel like my wildfire has all burnt out, and the only thing I have left is an empty heart--not even full of the poetry that used to spill forth from my soul with every aching breath.
How times have changed for this girl. From sitting in a sun-soaked bedroom shared with my sister, staring out the window and going on walks, to a married woman preparing to buy a house within the next year.
I find myself caught up in a world that is moving too fast, changes happening all around me, and so much of the world devoid of any hope, or love, or peace.
I cry out to my God and try to mediate on His unending and boundless love for me, but more often than not I get sucked into the trap of self-pity and thanklessness, completely ignoring all the good that surrounds me and instead dwelling on the darkness.
I don't want to be that kind of person.
I must remind myself to give thanks in all circumstances, just as I am commanded--beloved child of God.